For my birthday this year, I’m asking you to help me raise money for the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV). Read further below for my story.
The NCADV’s “mission is to lead, mobilize and raise our voices to support efforts that demand a change of conditions that lead to domestic violence such as patriarchy, privilege, racism, sexism, and classism.” To learn more about the NCADV, I encourage you to visit the website.
Your donation will support projects and programs that will benefit individuals impacted by domestic violence. Not to mention, your help will raise awareness upon this matter. I sincerely thank you for your kind monetary donation, which you can make below, and for your thoughtfulness. Here’s to 24!
There was another student, M, that lived on the same floor as me in college. He was only a few doors down. He’d always talk about this celebrity and her breasts, and all the things he’d do to her, not with her. M would make comments about the women on our dorm floor too. It was, well, disgusting.
M’s behavior continued for months into my first year of college. At this point, I was hardly in the dorm anymore. I was involved in organizations and also had friends who didn’t live in the dorms. So, I was out for most of the day. Nonetheless, M didn’t hold himself back from taking the chances he could at the women on the floor, including me.
There’d been a non-physical incident between M and I. I brought it up to my friends who lived on the same floor because we were discussing M’s behavior. One of our friends, B, had asked me if I wanted him to talk with M, to let him know that the women on our side of the floor didn’t feel comfortable. I, and the other ladies, agreed.
Before we all knew it, this turned into something else entirely. S, non-relevant to the situation, told our Resident Assistant (RA) what she thought she heard, B picking on M. S entered my room, where some of my roommate’s and I’s friends typically spent time. B was on my roommate’s lofted bed and I was on mine. My roommate and our friends were on the futon below us.
S wanted to talk with B about what she thought she knew, not knowing that the situation was about me. B refused to talk with her individually and requested that she say what she had to in front of all of us. So, she did, also mentioning that she told the RA. Everyone in the room was confused because everything she said had nothing to do with what B talked to M about. The situation got tense between B and S. Even then, B never mentioned me, which to this day, I appreciate.
I told S that I asked B to talk with M because of something that happened between M and I. She insisted that I tell her what it was so she could understand. I wasn’t going to tell, nor was anyone else in the room. She was determined to know and when I asked for her to leave, she wouldn’t. I mean, it was my room. I didn’t feel safe in my own room. I was crying at this point, unable to defend myself. My roommate asked her to leave. She still wouldn’t leave. My roommate, our friends who were on the futon, and B showed her out.
B had to meet with the RA and I joined too. B was simply being a good friend to me and our friends for speaking with M. I told our RA everything that happened and she told the Complex Director (CD). Even then, I didn’t feel heard. None of us did. There was nothing that was going to happen. Nothing! M wouldn’t even change dorms! I’d still see him for the rest of the year. I remember feeling hurt that my RA and CD didn’t ask what I wanted or consult me about the next steps.
I met with an administrator at the Dean of Students office to advocate for myself, and even then, what M received was minimal. He only had to attend a presentation regarding sexual harassment. Not to mention, S approached me in our shared dorm bathroom to discuss what happened. She said she understood what I was experiencing, but I don’t think she did. She only made me feel worse.
Then, a friend told me that M applied for a leadership role to assist incoming students. I can’t forget to mention, he wanted to be a teacher. While I tried to stop his leadership role from happening as I met with the coordinator, she, too, told me that nothing was going to change. He’d still be leading the incoming students.
Several weeks passed and I realized there was nothing that was going to be done. M and I tried our best to avoid each other in the dorm. Whenever a friend of mine saw him around, while out of the dorm, they’d let me know so we wouldn’t cross paths. However, there was always that fear of bumping into him. That fear that wasn’t advocated for correctly, or respectfully.
A year had passed, and I, along with 12 ladies, brought the first Asian-American Sorority on campus, and the first Alpha Phi Gamma National Sorority, Inc. Charter into Wisconsin. Our philanthropy is the fight against violence towards women, and I’ll never stop fighting. There is no one who should feel what I felt and experienced, and what many others still do.
I wish this wasn’t a topic I had to sit down and talk with my younger sister about. I wish this isn’t a topic I’ll sit down and talk with my daughter about. I wish this wasn’t a story I’d tell. Therefore, I ask you to help me raise money upon this matter. While this issue may not disappear for good, your generosity could make it disappear for someone who needs it today.
Thank you for reading my story and for giving me the space to do so. Let’s stand together to fight against domestic violence.
