24… already? Where has the time gone? What have I learned? Who am I? Let’s find out together.
Am I where I thought I’d be at 24? No. I actually didn’t think I’d be a parent or have a partner until I was 26 or 28. I didn’t think I’d become an aesthetician, a blogger, a teacher or a realtor. I’d always imagined I’d be traveling the world, while managing a non-profit organization. I knew I wanted to move from city to city, and quite honestly, from country to country. Settling down wasn’t on my mind.
Although the plans I set for myself went in an entirely different direction, I’m happy. I’m happy I didn’t choose to follow through with this grand plan. I’m happy I found someone who I love and who loves me. I’m even happier to have my daughter. I’m happy to be where I am in my life and I feel such a relief to say that. I think I’m the happiest I’ve been.
Twenty Twenty-Three
23 taught me how to care for myself again. I focused a lot of my attention at 22 on motherhood and partnership. This year, however, I chose to give back to myself by giving myself space to learn and grow, as a mother, partner, daughter, friend, student, and professional. These “titles” that I carry felt extremely heavy at 22, and it just kept getting heavier.
I felt that I couldn’t be my best self in all these positions in my life, but maybe that’s the perfectionist in me. If I focused too much on one hat, like motherhood, I saw myself lacking in self care or partnership with Shiina. Not to mention, I didn’t know how to be the sister, daughter or friend that I used to be, having just become a mother and a wife.
Therefore, I set my 2023 resolution or goal to become better at understanding myself and these hats that I wear. How will I do it? Well, can it be done? Luckily, my birthday sits right next to a brand new year, each year, so setting resolutions during this time comes easy!
Have I accomplished this understanding? I have better than last year, although I believe it’ll always be a work in progress as life, and myself, evolves.
Identity
I’ve felt a sense of loss these past two years. I became a mother and my whole life changed. My identity changed. I felt that all there was to me was being a mother, which I invite you to read more about my postpartum hardships here. I realized how fast people, even myself, often forget about the different roles other people have. For instance, I’m not only a mom. My mom’s not only a mom. My dad’s not only a dad. And I think becoming a parent truly showed me that. I’ve viewed my parents differently since becoming one myself, which has changed my relationship with them.
While being a mom is the role of a lifetime, I will always give attention to all areas of my identity. I will recognize the roles of others as well.
Lessons (Literally)
Entering 23, I was attending aesthetics school. After graduating, I started a real estate course. Then, once I became licensed, I studied meditation and mindfulness. Was it planned? No (laughs). Not at all.
I honestly didn’t think I’d graduate three times in one year, then become licensed twice and certified. Would I have done that at 22, being where I was mentally? No, I couldn’t even have imagined it. That’s why it’s so meaningful to me that I did because a year ago, I was unhappy with myself, and as I mentioned earlier, I’m the happiest I’ve been.
Acquiring an aesthetics license was part of this new plan for myself. I knew it was something I would eventually receive because I wanted to be part of the industry in caring for someone and their skin. You can read more about why I chose aesthetics here.
Earning a real estate salesperson license, on the other hand, was a challenge I wanted to take on. It was something that’d been on my mind for several years, but never something I thought I’d actually pursue. I chose to learn about a subject that I was interested in, but had little knowledge in. Well, not anymore! Check out my First Weber site here.
Studying meditation and mindfulness was certainly not on this year’s list of to-do’s. Nonetheless, it’s one that I’m glad I completed! This one was more of a personal goal than a professional one like the other two. You can read more about it here, but I wanted to welcome meditation and mindfulness back into my life, especially with the busyness of life.
I’ve always loved learning. My role as a student grows each day. It’s an ongoing cycle, whether that’s learning from a book, person, video, or learning a trade. This year, I learned that continuing education doesn’t stop after any graduation, and I hope that I don’t stop learning!
Relationships
While I can’t say I’ve missed the bad parts of socialization, I really did miss talking to people! With COVID-19 at the early start of my 20s, then being pregnant, and having a baby, I didn’t socialize as much as I used to. This year, I relearned how to socialize. That meant building relationships… and ending some.
With being exposed to a variety of industries and different people, I’ve learned how to adapt and how to better communicate. In addition, I now understand what it’s really like to be myself and stand my ground. For instance, I’ve always been that person that hardly fails to say, “No.” Well? Not anymore.
Over time, I’ve recognized the people who’ve never failed to show up and show out for me. It really showed when I was pregnant and my first year of having a child. Some people have come and gone throughout this year, not truly being considerate of me or our relationship. Although it stings, it’s the reality.
Not everyone in my life is meant to stay in it for the long run. I can’t do myself the injustice of keeping someone in my life for no good reason, especially when it seems like they could care less about being in my life, and having me in theirs. So, in sum, this year highlights investing in people that invest in me.
Love
Love? I didn’t plan on adding this topic at all (laughs)! As much as I talk about Shiina, our little family and my appreciation for him, I don’t talk about my thoughts on love itself. That’s what I want to talk about as I turn 24.
Like I mentioned earlier in this post, I didn’t plan to settle until I was at least 26 or 28. Even before Shiina and I had gotten together, I wasn’t planning to date. Of course, that changed because of him.
Now that I’m about to be 24, my thoughts on love have changed. I feel very thankful to have found someone that loves me and whom I love greatly. Over this year, I’ve noticed all that love has to offer, the ups and the downs. I’m blessed to have someone by my side, to be by theirs and to share our lives together. On top of that, we share our beautiful daughter, someone who is the token of our love. We see her growth as we see ours.
I don’t think I can see this life differently without such love, not just from a romantic partner, but from everyone in my life. Even when I’m feeling the most insecure, I’m loved. Even when I’m the worst version of myself, I’m loved. Even when I’m troubled with love, I love. I choose to love, over and over again. That’s not something a younger me would’ve chosen or experienced.
Self-Love
23 was a year of self-love and that’s because I felt the lowest I’ve had at 22. Although everything and everyone else in my life seemed perfect, I was far from it. I didn’t feel like myself. I didn’t even know myself. My clothes fit one day, then didn’t the next. My hair was falling out due to postpartum hair loss. I was balancing hormones, especially with breastfeeding. It was exhausting trying to find who this new me was.
I invite you to read more about my postpartum hardships here. It took doing the work to overcome these hardships. It took me a year to write that blog. I remember starting it during a pump session in October 2022, revisiting it in March 2023 and still feeling emotional about it. I couldn’t bring myself to finish the piece because I hadn’t healed. Any time I read what I wrote, it’d bring me back to that exact moment. It was this past September that I finished the blog and reading it, aloud even, has become easier.
I’ve shown love to myself this year by embracing each corner of my identity. I listened to what I needed and what my body needed, which I’ll share more on my self-care soon. For example, I receive massages, get my hair done, and meditate.
I’m not perfect, but I’m in a better place than where I was yesterday.
Twenty-Four
Goodbye, 23. It’s been a pleasure.
Hello, 24. I’m not sure what you’ll have in store for me, but I’m excited to greet you! Let’s go, the year of the dragon! It’s our year.
