A year ago I gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl. My life’s changed since and here’s how. Before I continue, you can read my post about what it was like at four months with Valkyrie here. In this blog, I write about our time after those four months.
I’ve learned what it means to be a mother. I’ve experienced not even the slightest bit of what my parents have. I’ve loved like I haven’t before. I call this my forever love. It isn’t the same love that I have for my partner, Valkyrie’s dad. It isn’t the same love that I have for my parents or siblings. It’s different.
Being Valkyrie’s mother is the role of a lifetime. Before she was born, she taught me to love myself in ways that I didn’t know I could. That continued after she was born. I experienced difficulties during pregnancy and postpartum. Many things were challenged; my wants, identity, needs, and confidence. Nonetheless, I found new ways to love myself through those challenges.
The first year really does fly by, as many say. Before giving birth, my partner’s cousin told us, “You’ll miss them being so small.” That’s true. While we tried to cherish as much as we could, we couldn’t beat time. Where did our little girl, who fit size newborn diapers and clothing go?
She fits size 6 diapers and size 18 months for clothing now. Although I’d like to think that Valkyrie needs me in other ways now, I can’t help but think that she also needs me less. Valkyrie used to only be able to roll over or sit. Now she walks! Our little girl walks! What happened to crawling? Before you know it, a first becomes a last.
I do think that I took bits of it for granted and part of me feels bad for it. However, I remind myself that I have to be healthy and happy in order to be the best mom that I can be. I don’t remember much of Valkyrie’s life during the time I was in aesthetics school, granted I was gone weekdays between 8am to 5pm. She had only turned six months and when I finished, she was ten months. During that time, she learned to crawl. She ate more, talked more, played more, and grew so incredibly much.
I’d come home from school and spend the rest of the evening with her. I’d soak up all the time that I could. I’m not even sure how we did it, but we did. Now, we spend more time together than apart even while working at a spa, taking a class, blogging or doing other things. I think I’ve gotten parenting down while finding time for myself.
That didn’t come easy though. I’m grateful to have a partner who’s present in Valkyrie’s life as well as mine. Shiina takes care of us both. He gave me the time I needed to heal after having our daughter. He also gives me time for myself. In order to do that, he spends his own time with Valkyrie. While I was at school, he would stay home with Valkyrie. During that time, Shiina hardly slept because he works at night and had to stay up during the day to care for Valkyrie.
I haven’t met anyone more hardworking and dedicated than Shiina. I’m very appreciative of him and I’m sure Valkyrie is as well. Although I was the primary caretaker of Valkyrie for the first six months of her life, I think she got used to her dad during the six to ten months. Now she’s such a daddy’s girl!
That isn’t a bad thing though. I think being gone for some time gave them the space they needed to deepen their connection, not that they didn’t have a strong one before. I was always with Valkyrie and Shiina was always working. In a way, we all needed it.
Shiina and I find time for each other as well, even if that means staying up a little later at night. The small breaks in between other responsibilities during the day matter to us too. We do our best to be attentive partners. We also plan family days where we focus solely on our family. This was something we did before when it was just us two and have carried it with us.
Family played a great role in Valkyrie’s first year as well. I can’t say it’s been easy being far from family. Sometimes I wish we were closer to family so that they could see Valkyrie grow up and so Valkyrie could spend more time with loved ones. I would’ve loved being near family during the first few months of postpartum too. I won’t lie. It would be nice to get a break from time to time. However, family has always been there if we ever needed anything.
So, here we are a year later. Valkyrie understands simple concepts like sharing or waiting. She even understands certain words or motions like “diaper change.” My current favorite thing that she does is nod or shake her head. This is one of the ways we communicate. She’s also started to copy what we say and is able to say a few words.
As a family, we take walks and travel. We’ve attended classes together, eat together and much more. Shiina and I try to be as present as we can in Valkyrie’s life. I think she enjoys it as much as we do! Shiina and I both have our own time alone with Valkyrie too. I think this is important because Shiina gets to discover himself as a dad without my presence (the same for me too). Our daughter has the opportunity to spend time with each of us separately too.
Valkyrie’s such a character. Everyone tells us how great she is. Honestly, I think she knows her place in our life and one day soon, being the oldest sibling. She was just made to be here at the perfect time of our lives and be the oldest. She has always been quick to learn and is full of curiosity. It amazes me how much she knows and how funny she is! Not to mention, she tries to take care of everyone around her. She’s done this since she was able to. Sometimes I find her patting my shoulder or thigh, checking in on us as well as letting us know of her status.
Through Valkyrie, I’m experiencing life all over again. She is my life and I can only wish to hold onto these moments forever. Happy first birthday, my love. Thank you for being you and for choosing us to be your parents.
