I turn 25 tomorrow. What have I learned about “adulting” thus far? Let’s find out together.
Listen to the podcast here.
Adulting, by Google’s definition, is “the practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult, especially the accomplishment of mundane but necessary tasks.” For example, keeping your home clean and paying the bills. To me, adulting means endless responsibilities – a list of tasks to tackle that only gets longer by the minute.
When and how exactly did I become an adult? Who was I before and how did that impact who I am now? How did my parents raise us, through my perspective? While there’s much to learn still, the last decade has taught me quite a few things, especially now that I’m a parent and spouse. What a fast track!
Academics
The first true taste of adulthood I experienced was moving away from home to attend University. Being two hours away from home, although exciting, taught me a lot about what it meant to be on my own… without a car (laughs). Nothing drastic about my routines changed other than my environment and the people around me.
During my first year of college, I had a job starting at 8am, eight classes and extracurricular activities. As I mentioned, not much about my routines changed. Throughout middle school and high school, I’d take part in just about anything. I had jobs, was a part of cheer, student council, a class representative, and more. This set me up for the rigor of college academics.
In addition, my parents set me up for academic success. As soon as I learned to write, I’d write anything down on a padfolio. When I was learning to spell, my dad would have me recite each letter of a word and write it down in a notebook. I’d even complete assignments in cursive and manuscript. Aside from schoolwork, my mom would have us read chapter books and write a summary of each chapter.
It seemed that my parents were all in! And I’m glad they were. I learned that I have a true passion for education. I enjoy the thrill and inspiration of a new subject. Can you tell? I’m always learning!
Career
Academics in our household was important. It was believed that it’d lead us to a good career, thus, leading us to financial stability. While I didn’t have a hard time in school, I had a hard time choosing which profession I wanted to pursue. There was a lot that I wanted to achieve, and there was a lot that my parents wanted me to achieve too.
My dad wanted me to work anywhere within the medical field. However, he also had a belief that I should follow my heart’s desire, to do something that gave me meaning. This was tough to follow, especially because I had older cousins who’d attended UW-Madison with big dreams: becoming a doctor, dentist, professor, and engineer. At times, it felt like my path was paved for me.
There were two significant turning points in my life regarding academics and career choice. When I decided not to attend graduate school, instead to pursue aesthetics. My parents weren’t happy about it at all. They’d always thought I’d achieve a doctoral degree. It felt like I broke out of a box made of glass, with pieces everywhere, digging their way in causing deep pain.
The second turning point was when I married my partner and became a mother. Two months after our wedding, we learned we were pregnant. Quick, huh? (laughs) Suddenly, the reality of choosing a good career and having financial stability settled in.
Taking Care of Ourselves
My parents were strict on cleanliness and togetherness. I mean, I liked cleaning the walls and didn’t have to be told to do it! Even my grandpa would find ways to make cleaning fun. He’d wrap transparent tape around each foot of mine. I’d dance around the living room carpet, picking up the tiniest debris.
Since it was only my older sister and I for nine years, we relied on each other. Whenever we bickered or complained about unfairness over chores, our parents would quickly remind us of how grateful we should be to have each other. They’d even say that we’d finish a task quicker if we worked on it together. They weren’t wrong. We only had each other… until our younger sister arrived.
Eventually, my older sister and I split chores per week or someone was specifically in charge of a job. For instance, we’d alternate weeks of washing dishes. Of course, we had our fun here too. “I’ll do the dishes for you next week if you do this instead.” Yup. That was us. Classic siblings.
I’m incredibly grateful and blessed that my parents taught us to clean and take care of ourselves, as well as others. This may seem like something all parents do, or should do, but no, not all parents. I’ve seen a peer not know how to wash a bowl and always see another peer have their mother do everything for them. Going off on my own, these skills were necessary.
Finances
Not only did my parents teach me about how to care for myself, they taught me about money. I don’t remember when this started, but my mom gave each of us a booklet that looked like a paper copy of a spreadsheet (laughs). We’d track any deposits and withdrawals from our bank accounts. I still do this. I’ve created a payday routine, budget, all things finance on an actual spreadsheet.
Money wasn’t a worry of mine growing up. This isn’t to say I was spoiled or fed with a silver spoon. My parents, in my young eyes then, hardly showed any concern. Naturally, we didn’t either. Whenever I asked my parents for money for field trips or school lunch, they were prompt. Heck, they’d know before I’d ask!
Aside from necessities, if we wanted anything, our parents were gracious, given the circumstances of course. My siblings and I rarely asked for money. We used to tease each other, “No, you ask. I asked last time!” (laughs) Even though we didn’t need to fear our parents by asking, we didn’t want them to worry.
At some point we had accessible bank accounts and received weekly allowances. This, we knew, was a privilege. It taught us the value of money and where it comes from. One day our dad explained to us, in short, that he never wants us to not have enough money. He wants us to be able to go to the movies and enjoy a good time with friends without worrying about expenses. Even today he continues to ask if I need money in the slightest of ways. Don’t get me started on my mom; she’ll buy anything for us without notice (laughs)!
Maturing
Being a parent and spouse now, I get it, or half of it at least. There’s more to learn. Parents only want the best for their children, doing everything they can to make it all possible. This way, when their children become adults, they can take on responsibilities with ease. Not to mention, as a parent myself, I’d want to ensure that my children are capable of handling situations in the case that I’m no longer here.
I’ve seen the amount of care my parents put into raising my siblings and I, as well as others. Whenever we needed help, our community was there. My family, parents especially, are always giving to others. Again, togetherness is something they value. It taught me about asking for help, receiving help, and offering help.
Since becoming a parent and spouse, I’ve recognized what, how much, and who I dismissed in the past. I’ve come to learn the meaning of sacrifice, compassion, and knowing when to let go. In addition, I value connection now more than ever.
There’s a lot that I’ve learned about adulting beyond paying bills or cleaning my home. Some things can’t be learned from someone or by a textbook. It’s experiences and taking them head on where we learn the most.
