If I had to choose three words to summarize the 2024 year, it’d be co-existence, priorities, and space. Read why below.
Co-Existence
This year, I learned that grief and gratitude can exist at the same time. I’d specifically set this year as a “slow-girl era.” There was much that I’d accomplished the years prior, from graduating and getting married in 2021, to having my daughter in 2022, to returning to school in 2023 to earn an aesthetics license as well as a real estate salesperson license. I thought I’d focus on the careers I’ve pursued and my family.
I’m grateful for this time that I was able to “slow down.” I don’t think I could’ve processed all that I experienced without having these moments, moments where I wasn’t constantly on the go, like I usually would be. However, I was still on the go more than planned.
Early this year, I lost a loved one, my great-uncle. Then, we lost my partner’s uncle months later. Two months afterwards, I learned about the passing of a friend. Now, my uncle’s experiencing health difficulties. I invite you to read more about my initial thoughts of loss here.
I was focused on life for the last three years, having been pregnant with my daughter then seeing her grow. It felt as though I was experiencing life all over again, through my daughter’s eyes. It was vibrant and exhilarating. But I was reminded of life’s fragility this year. It hit hard.
Not only am I my own person. I’m a mother, a daughter, a partner, sister, friend, and daughter-in-law. My grandparents are getting older and so are my parents. I’m a parent. It changes everything. I’d never truly thought about life from this perspective before and heck, I was scared. I’ll admit. But that’s life. Although I don’t dwell on it too much and try not too, the thought dawned on me heavily this year – just how fragile life can be. And all that I’m grateful for.
Priorities
Thus, leading to the second word of the year, priorities. I had many questions, but… I didn’t have all the answers.
Is this the lifestyle that I want for myself? For my daughter and our family?
Can I do this for the long-run, say 20-30 years?
What am I doing and where am I going?
I felt lonely the first half of the year. I finally felt like myself after two years and adjusted to parenthood/marriage. I was ready to connect with people again. However, with the hardships our families were experiencing, this solo journey hit a stop sign on a bumpy road. There were times when I’d want to tell someone everything I was feeling, but I’d turn around with no one to find. I knew I wasn’t alone and I’m appreciative of the people in my life. For some reason though, I still felt lonely.
During times when I was surrounded by people, I’d still feel lonely. Not to mention, I didn’t feel understood or respected. A lot changes when you get married and have children. People seem to have thoughts about that, or at least the people in my life did.
You never come out anymore. You don’t ever have time for us.
Why are you always leaving early?
You don’t have a husband or kid tonight.
Is this really the life you want?
We didn’t invite you because we didn’t think you’d come.
If you’re a parent, or you understand your loved ones, then you know how I felt hearing all of this, and more. It hurt. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be present, or that I enjoy leaving early all the time. It’s tough to balance it all. Yet, it seemed like I wasn’t doing enough for these relationships or for my/my family’s lives. Therefore, it made me question all the above.
The outcome was that I wouldn’t be able to share all that I love with everyone I love and that’s okay. Not everyone will understand me. And I can’t give an ocean when people ask for a raindrop. Not to mention, I need to respect myself and my own boundaries. I haven’t quite figured out what it is I’m going for, I mean, who ever does? I’m only 24 and suddenly I’m supposed to have life figured out? (laughs). Not one bit.
I’ve learned and set my priorities this year, which will carry into the next year. And this includes people.
Space
Amongst the first two words, I’ve learned the true meaning of space, at least for me in this season of my life. As you may already know, I hold space for many people. I’d say I’m an empath who soaks in emotions. While it’s the best part of my job, it can be draining. I hold space for individuals to share their hardships, while performing services, then release them. However, with my own challenges this year, I’ve spread myself too thin.
I can no longer hold space for people, not in the ways I used to at least. I could hardly hold space for myself. What was left when I was an overflowing cup?
I needed space, so I gave myself space. I didn’t need to explain myself. I didn’t need to do things that I didn’t want to. I didn’t have to go out of my way. I didn’t need to be so hard on myself with career related activities or mom guilt, whatever it may be. I didn’t spend time with people where I needed a break. S-P-A-C-E. Damn, did it feel good!
Recap
This year was a doozy, full of all things at once. Sure, there’s more about 2024 that I can wrap up in this piece, but when I think of the overall year, I first think of co-existence, priorities, and space. What do you think of?
