This is such a fun and interesting topic. More often than not, finance is a major factor in many relationships… before marriage happens. Was it in ours? I’ll share it with you today!
Short answer, yes. In my podcast episode, I cover why I married my husband, Shiina, which isn’t only for his money, and of course, why I married him for his money. This is essentially the paper version of my episode. If you’d like to listen to it, listen here, or continue reading! Let’s get into it.
Upbringing
First, let’s talk about my partner’s background, as well as mine, to understand today’s context. In the last episode, episode three, I talk in depth about how I was raised. While I won’t be speaking upon the entirety of our childhood, it’s important to note the circumstances in which we grew up for this episode.
My husband’s upbringing is different from mine. While I have two siblings, he has ten. I’m the middle child. He’s the oldest. That would say enough within itself. However, let’s dive deeper. Since my husband’s the oldest, he’s had a lot of responsibilities growing up, paving ways for his siblings and taking care of them, as well as his parents.
Two weeks after going on dates, Shiina told me about his future plans. He was set to move to Washington, D.C. to work with an accounting firm. The deadline to decide was that day. He said he saw a future with me and wanted to stay. I was only in my second year of college. I didn’t want him to wait, so I told him to continue his life without me. I wouldn’t want him to miss such an opportunity. Being the kind of person that he is, he mentioned how he also decided to stay to help his family when they needed it. This goes back to his roots of being the go-to person. He hasn’t thought about Washington, D.C. since.
Being the middle child of my family, I didn’t understand what it was like being the oldest. When my partner and I married, I understood it well. I didn’t have a choice. I was the oldest of not only my younger sister, but ten more siblings. Sure, I was compassionate towards my older sister growing up. I just didn’t fully understand the sacrifices or actions she did, or had to do, because she’s the oldest, until now. I see my partner make the same sacrifices and actions for his siblings. We’ve had multiple conversations on this. It helped me understand better what kind of person he is, as well as how he grew up.
A Glance at Profession
My husband achieved an accounting degree and a masters in human resources. Shiina worked for one of the Big 4, Deloitte. Did he enjoy accounting? Not at all. I remember the days when he’d work, he’d continue working as I slept. When I woke up, he was still working. Did he even sleep? He was pale and seemed lifeless. Now he works about the same amount, maybe even more. But he isn’t the same as he was when he was at Deloitte.
Although he wasn’t fond of accounting, he was good at it. And of course, it was a path to make money. At least this is what he told me.
Before we get into talking about profession, let’s backtrack to our upbringing.
Back to Upbringing
My partner made me realize how privileged I was growing up. This isn’t a bad thing. As I explained in the last episode, I’m proud and grateful that I was. It doesn’t mean I was fed with a silver spoon, or spoiled, or inconsiderate. I was fortunate for my parents. However, being with my partner, he humbles me. For instance, I was suggesting that we turn on the AC one day in the summer. I was heating up and talking about how hot it felt. Shiina said he felt fine. I thought about it for a moment, truly stunned. I remembered how our AC was always on during the summer. My mom couldn’t stand the heat. Shiina felt fine because he was used to adjusting to temperatures. He didn’t have AC growing up. Furthermore, he didn’t have heat or the internet for some time.
Marrying my Husband for His Money
So how does this impact my decision to marry my husband for money? It’s because my husband, who’s educated in the area surrounding money, understands what it’s like to go without something, something others may deem a necessity like heat or AC. It certainly doesn’t control his need for money, thankfully. He doesn’t obsess about money either. Crazy enough, it’s me who does. That’s because I overthink about the future, always wanting to ensure we’re financially stable. Yet again, maybe it’s because he knows how to go without something. Not me.
Shiina’s drive for money is pure. I’m sure he’d love a lamborghini, g-wagon, or custom home. Despite his wants, he knows what he needs. He finds value in what he already has. Literally, he never wants anything materialistic for his birthday or for Christmas. It doesn’t matter what time of year it is, he doesn’t want anything. However, he appreciates it when he does receive something. This is one of the reasons why I love him. He works hard for his money, sets good intentions, is appreciative, and he always has a plan… and a budget.
Shiina’s great with money. This, I knew, was a green flag. Again, he may have wants, but he recognizes his needs. “Do I need this?” he’d question himself. “No, I don’t.” He doesn’t spend money on items he won’t find joy in or use. He’s smart about it. He taught me a lot about money when we were dating, such as having multiple streams of income, how to invest, insurances, etc.
Also as we were dating, Shiina was very giving. Even though he didn’t care much about gifts for himself, he’d prepare thoughtful gifts for me. For example, on our first Valentine’s, he prepared a gift for each day of the week. I received all of my favorite items from shoes, to Up scrunchies, to Build-A-Bear Workshop characters, and more. He always offered to pay for groceries, take-out, or trips, whatever it was. When I attended aesthetics school after our daughter was born, he was the one to make those monthly school payments.
Money was a conversation we’ve had numerous times, but it’s not a concern we have. He’s never made me feel that way at least. Again, I’m the overthinker. Shiina’s my rock, ensuring that I’ll make it through. I knew early on in our relationship that money wouldn’t be an issue. “What’s his is mine, and what’s mine is his.” Including debt, because hey, we’re basically paying these school loans off together. Otherwise, we’d have certain things by now. Also, this doesn’t mean I ask for money or expect money from him. No, I like working for my own money. However, it is nice to have a cushion that I know I can rely on if need be, like when I was a stay at home mom or when I didn’t have enough funds for aesthetics school. This, just to note, wasn’t much of a conversation either. He’d intended, on his own, to ensure we were taken care of. Again, leading to being the oldest and automatically taking care of others. Going back to debt, I’ll most likely pay mine off before him since his amount is larger than mine. Of course I’ll help him pay it off. What’s his is mine and what’s mine is his.
Profession
Now, let’s rewind to profession. As I mentioned, I was a sophomore in college when we’d gotten together. Shiina was already pursuing a masters in HR and seeking opportunities before committing to Deloitte. When thinking of marriage, I knew we’d be financially stable due to his career choice. Not to mention, the benefits were great. C’mon, have you seen Deloitte’s paid parental leave plans?
While I’d like to say that career didn’t matter much to me, it did. Without knowing it, I had standards when it came to what I wanted in regards to a partner and finance. Shiina checked all the boxes. Multiple income streams? Check. An accounting degree and masters in HR? Check. Knows how money works? Check. Isn’t greedy with his money? Check.
By the time we started building our lives together, Shiina had already left Deloitte. I had my moments of concern, like when he first told me about his thoughts on departing, and when I was pregnant, then again after giving birth. I wasn’t mad or upset. I was genuinely concerned for him, for us. Even so, I trusted him. He always has a plan. If he’s not worried, of all people, I shouldn’t be. If he were, yeah, that’s when I’d stress out about it.
Now, can you see why I married my husband for his money?
Is money a factor in your relationship? How so? If you’re interested in hearing more topics like this, then let me know as well!
