Happy anniversary, Shiina and Angela! I’ve asked you all to submit questions you’d like for us to answer. While these aren’t all of them, I think they give a nice introduction to our story and to what’s present for us now. Here are our A’s to your Q’s!
How We Met and Our First Date
Shiina and I met during college. I was a freshman and he was a senior. We didn’t know anything about each other until he graduated. We always missed each other at events. He never attended the events that I attended and vice versa. We only knew of each other. I actually feel grateful for this because I had a lot of fun at these events as a single person (laughs).
It wasn’t until my sophomore year that we saw each other more often. At that time, I wasn’t interested in getting into a relationship. I was focused on academics. However, that plan changed of course!
I always say that I asked him out, but Shiina says otherwise. I’ll let you decide that as you keep reading. I was craving Hmong food and the closest locations were Madison or Milwaukee. I didn’t have a transportation method then, so I’d always catch a ride with others. I’m not sure how Shiina knew that I was craving Hmong food, but he knew! We were all hanging out at a friend’s house. Before the night ended, he asked if anyone wanted to get Hmong food the next day. I quickly sat up from laying on the futon, answering, “Yes!” Next thing you know, I’m saying “Yes!” to marriage.
Now, you may be thinking that Shiina asked me out. However, he was asking everyone and I wasn’t the only person who replied. Our friend, Newlong, said he wanted to go too. After Shiina left, I texted him saying that I was serious about getting Hmong food as long as he was still up for it. Now that’s how you ask someone out to eat. 😉
We got Hmong food and boba the following day. We didn’t consider this first “hang out” as a date until after. We told each other we’d see how it’d go first before giving it a label. After getting boba, we walked around on the streets near the Capital. We talked about a lot and for the first time, I felt like I had someone who listened to me… Who didn’t mind, as I talk a lot! In all seriousness though, I was able to tell Shiina things that weren’t always easy for me to talk about. It was comforting and for a moment, what I thought I wanted disappeared. I originally didn’t want a relationship, but could I have one with Shiina? There was no doubt about it.
You might think we’re crazy as you continue reading, but this is all true. As we talked, we noticed how similar we were. We discovered we needed glasses in the same year, bought our first pair at the same place, and had the same prescription (at the time we talked about it)! There were other things in our lives that aligned as well. We couldn’t believe it, but we couldn’t deny it either.
On our way home from our date, Shiina asked if I had any plans the following day as he wanted to take me on an official date. I knew I’d be busy with classes, so I told him we could plan something for the day after. That’s how our relationship started!
October 3, 2019 and August 14, 2021
Shiina asked me to be his girlfriend on October 3, 2019. This was a month after we went on dates. What did he plan? A lot.
He prepared a slideshow with all of the pictures we had so far. Then, he had candles and balloons (blue and gray) set up all over his apartment. There were pictures of us on the balloons. Not to mention, there were roses in the shape of a heart on the floor next to where he read a letter he’d written to me.
Two years later, we got married traditionally! We got engaged in May, after we’d gotten back from a long road trip to South Dakota. Our wedding colors were blue and gray, like the balloons on the day we made our relationship official. This is one of the reasons as to why our daughter’s Hmong name, XeeXia, is so important to us. Xim xiav translates to the color blue in Hmong. Xee (See) for Shiina’s paternal grandmother and Xia (Sia) for my maternal grandmother.
The First Time We Said, “I Love You”
Who do you think said it first? At the time that we said it, we weren’t even dating yet! Our relationship moved quickly since we saw each other everyday.
We visited each other’s families, before we were official (laughs)! I didn’t think I’d say those three words or visit my partner’s side until we were together for at least several months. Whoops! I actually love it though because it’s everything I didn’t expect, like this relationship.
When we visited Shiina’s family in early September of 2019, that’s when we said, “I love you.” It was midnight and we were in his brother’s bathroom. Don’t worry, nothing sexual happened (laughs)! We’d gotten into a misunderstanding about something I said because we weren’t officially dating. I’d gone to the bathroom because I was upset, and Shiina followed a few minutes after. Once we resolved the misunderstanding, that’s when we said, “I love you.”
Whenever I wished Shiina farewell for work in the mornings, I always wanted to say, “I love you.” There were times when it’d almost slip. However, we weren’t official yet and I wanted to be sure he felt the same way. Feeling what I felt, and continue to feel, for Shiina comes naturally. I couldn’t wait to tell him, “I love you.”
How We Keep Our Relationship Happy and Healthy / Our Thoughts on a Successful Marriage
Every person and relationship is different in how they, themselves, define happiness and success. Even Shiina and I have different definitions. People and relationships change too. I think a successful marriage that welcomes happiness and health, is one that is open to evolving. Marriage isn’t a standard expectation, like the perfect house with a white picket fence. It’s the continuous building of that house from the ground up, and its protection.
As much as I love doing things with Shiina, I also love that we have our own activities going on. I work on my own projects like Life of ACY, ACY’s DIYs, ACY’s Esthetics, and future endeavors for instance. Doing these projects on my own help me reconnect with myself and become a better version of me. They’re what I enjoy doing. Not to mention, I like talking about them with Shiina at the end of the day and listening to what he has to share about his day.
I think that’s one of the most important pieces in keeping our relationship healthy. We have our own hobbies while finding joy in participating in each others’ hobbies every so often. As individuals, we don’t feel the need to do everything together and be near each other all the time. Having our own time is important to us, and that leads to our own happiness.
After making ourselves happy, we make each other happy. We communicate, which is another crucial factor in keeping our relationship successful, happy and healthy. Shiina and I discuss how we feel, whether it’s something serious or hilarious. We’re open to each other. This is what we had to relearn while figuring out parenthood. I’m glad to say we’re doing well!
More Kids?
We currently have one child together, Valkyrie, and she’s a year old. Time flies by quickly. I remember when people were asking us if we wanted more kids, when I was still pregnant! We certainly didn’t expect to have a child when we did, although I’m sure Shiina did. He wanted to be a dad at 25, and it was perfect timing considering that I was pregnant when he was 24. Nonetheless, we weren’t upset by it. Even though we didn’t expect to be pregnant, we weren’t against getting pregnant either. We were fine wherever life planned to take us and it took us to build a family together.
Do we plan to have more kids? Of course! We want Valkyrie to have siblings, hopefully close in age. How many kids? We don’t have a set number, nor do we have a preference on sex. However many kids we have, even if it’s only Valkyrie, we consider ourselves blessed.
Shiina and Angela One Month Postpartum
You can read more about my fourth trimester experience here. In that piece, I touch upon feelings and thoughts I had during my fourth trimester. You can also read my postpartum experience at four months here. This is the blog that took me a year to write, simply because I was still going through it and healing from it.
We were extremely lucky during our first month of postpartum because our families visited after we brought Valkyrie home. Shiina’s mom, sister and brother visited. After they visited, my mom and sisters visited. There was always chicken and rice, the traditional postpartum meal, ready for me. To my surprise, my body healed quickly (other than my back…). It was also nice to have someone, women that I trusted, to talk to that understood what I was going through. However, this first month didn’t prepare me for what was to come.
I felt extremely bad for Shiina during this first month. He took on a lot like the chores, cooking, grocery shopping, paying the bills, and more. He was there to watch over Valkyrie at night too. Some people say relationships should always be 50/50. I’ve never believed in that. In this instance, we were probably 80/20.
Managing Our Career with a Kiddo
Managing a career, not just my own but my partner’s as well, is a work in progress. It’s always changing. That may be because Shiina and I don’t have the typical 9-5 job. I’m constantly moving around and doing activities. If there’s anything that’s consistent, it’s my career as an aesthetician. I have a schedule for that, but I’m not always booked. I blog as well, and am taking a class. I have other plans that I hope to pursue too. Shiina tends to work in the evenings and travels during weekends.
Our day to day can look different. Therefore, it’s a work in progress. That isn’t to say that we don’t love it. It’s actually one of the many reasons why we do. We know we can’t work a 9-5. We enjoy working on our own schedules while doing what we love! Not to mention, Shiina and I enjoy getting to spend more time together as a family too. Although we can’t spend as much time as we’d like with our families on the weekends, we can spend more time with our little family.
Shiina and I love changing things up, so we’re constantly working on the next big thing. That’s who we are as individuals and something I want our children to learn. I want them to be unafraid and unapologetic of taking chances towards their dreams. In addition, it’s one of the reasons I fell in love with Shiina. He challenges, while encourages, me to take on my aspirations.
Balancing a career with a kiddo is easier now that she’s 15 months old, but it can have its moments. It was tough when she was younger because we were still learning how to be parents. We didn’t know what we were doing! Additionally, we didn’t have any family or friends nearby to help. We were wonderful at it, however. We brought Valkyrie everywhere with us. Yep! Everywhere.
Now that Valkyrie’s 15 months old, she wants to be part of everything we do and wants to play all the time. That means we need to give her more attention. While it can be overwhelming, we find balance. For instance, I’d wake up earlier in the day to get what I need done like coursework, blogging, or going into the spa. Once I’ve done all that I need to do, I focus my time with her. Rather than do the chores on our own, we encourage her to help. Shiina spends most of his daytime with Valkyrie, then throughout the evening to late night, he does his own activities. He works, focuses on his small business and more.
While Shiina and I dated, we had date days. This meant that there was one day each week that we dedicated solely to each other. We’ve continued that with Valkyrie and now call it “Family day.” These days allow us to give each other undivided attention. It’s very exciting to plan these days too, especially now that we have Valkyrie. It’s such a blessing to see life through her eyes.
