The fourth and final trimester of my pregnancy was the hardest of them all. I had a lot to learn about how to be a parent and about myself. It was a time of discovery and healing. Continue reading about my fourth trimester of pregnancy and be sure to read about my first, second and third trimester recaps too!
Healing
The recovery process took time. I continued to have lower back pain and sciatica until three months postpartum. I couldn’t sit or lay down without any pain or discomfort. Although most of the pain has subsided, I still have back pain often.
I stopped bleeding after two to three weeks, which I found surprising. I thought it’d take longer than that. I did my best to rest as much as I could. I also drank lots of water and chicken broth. It helped me heal quickly.
I had a PUPPP rash for a little over a month after giving birth. It was all over my body, which was incredibly bothersome. Once an area cleared, it’d spread to another. I was prescribed a steroid ointment for it, which helped. Although it’s gone now, I still have marks from it. If you have any remedies to heal the skin, please let me know! In addition, if you’d like to read about what got me through postpartum, click here!
Help
I’m thankful for the people in my life and for the help that I received during this period. My partner’s family visited once we got home from the hospital and my family came afterwards. They helped to make food for us, care for Valkyrie, clean our home, shop for us, and keep us company. I appreciate our families as it made our transition to parenthood easier. It also helped me recover quickly!
Hardships
My life changed quickly after giving birth. I don’t think I had the time to really think about the labor and delivery process. After Baby V’s arrival, my life got so busy and I was always surrounded by people. I’d be exhausted by the end of the day. I didn’t have time for myself to comprehend everything that had happened.
It wasn’t until a week after giving birth that I thought about my labor and delivery experience. It was a moment of time where I wasn’t doing anything. I wasn’t nursing. I wasn’t pumping. I wasn’t eating or cleaning. I was sitting, trying to concentrate on the conversation I was having with my older sister.
I tried to listen to what she was talking about, but I couldn’t. I started to cry. I was thinking about what I had gone through and what my body had gone through. I had an amazing birth experience, so I was lucky. I also felt prepared. However, I didn’t have time to think about the process. Next thing I knew, I had a baby. When I sat there, talking to my sister, I thought about all of it.
My body was tired. I was tired. I had just given birth and suddenly needed to care for another human being. I could only do so much for myself too as I was still recovering. I was healing mentally and physically. It was hard. I couldn’t sleep for several days after giving birth. I was anxious about whether Valkyrie was eating enough, of the things I had to get done, of the pandemic, and more. I also lost sleep to nurse and pump breast milk. That’s when I started to look into postpartum anxiety and I definitely had it. I was anxious about everything.
I also thought about my life going forward, like who I used to be and what I wanted. I thought about this while I was pregnant, but it seemed to hit me harder after giving birth. I was mourning the person I used to be. As happy as I was to be a mother, I knew I’d miss the person I used to be too. Don’t get me wrong. I love being a mother and I love my baby. I wouldn’t change anything, which made me feel bad for having these feelings.
I was happy to know that others have felt this way too and I was grateful to have my sister listen to me as I talked. I felt so much was lifted off my shoulders. I wasn’t in this by myself and I had amazing people to help me. It wasn’t until the second month that I felt better.
Daily Life
My day to day life was the same each day. I’d wake up anywhere from five to six in the morning, pump breast milk every two hours, care for Valkyrie, take care of household responsibilities, then be in bed by eleven at night. There was nothing that was different unless we were visiting family or went on a family trip.
Exclusively pumping breast milk was, and still is, one of my greatest challenges. I spend over five hours a day pumping and cleaning parts. There were so many times I wanted to give up, but I thought about why I started. I pump every two hours from the start time of the last session for at least thirty minutes, then I collect the milk, and clean the pump parts. It’s as if I’d turn around and have to pump again. Now I’m used to this schedule and have learned ways to make this experience easier. I make pumping work around my schedule rather than working around it. I share more here about the early days of my breastfeeding journey and will share how it is currently soon.
Finding Myself Again
After about two to three months, I realized I needed something else to do. I was home all day with little to no change in my routine. Taking out the trash and recycling, grocery shopping, visiting family or going on family trips were the only times I was out of the house. I needed time for myself too, which I incorporated more of.
At some point, I started to not feel like myself anymore. I didn’t know what things I liked, like music or hobbies. It was as simple as clothes. Clothes fit me then didn’t, or didn’t then did. I was trying to find myself again. I felt like all there was to me was being a mother. I will always be a mother and I love it. However, I was bothered by who I was outside of being a mother. Who was I? There was so much to learn about this new version of myself and I’m still learning today. I’ll share more about this soon.
Fourth Trimester Recap
I learned a lot during this final trimester, which was the most difficult of all trimesters. I found a deeper understanding of what many parents experience postpartum. I was evolving into a new person and mourning the person I used to be, all while trying to heal. I’m doing a lot better now.
I was incredibly blessed to have been pregnant and to have given birth. Not to mention, I’m grateful that everyone is healthy! It’s officially been a year since we found out that we were expecting a baby. Time flies! Looking back, it makes me sad to know that this is over. As tough as it was, I loved pregnancy and the newborn stage. However, it’s the beginning to my parenthood! I look forward to what else is in store. Be sure to read about our experience with a four month old baby here!
