I turned 25 earlier this month. How does it feel? Let’s take a look.
I invite you to listen to the podcast episode here. If you have a topic you’d like me to talk about, please let me know!
Speechless
What is it about turning 25 that hits differently from other years? Is it because five years down the line, I’ll be 30? And I’m “supposed” to have life figured out by then, somewhat now? Is it that I’m no longer 20, but also not quite 30? Or is it that by then, I’ll be halfway to retirement? Probably all of it. The pressure’s real, although I like to think “things will work out.”
When thinking about what to write, I went speechless. Unlike turning 24, where I couldn’t stop typing, I don’t seem to have much to say on turning 25. Is this where I’m at now? (laughs) I don’t know how I feel or if I should feel anything at all. Things are different, but it isn’t either. I know, contradictory.
That’s because every year I was striving to reach the milestones of this big dream. Simply surviving, as many of you know much about. I’ve achieved lots. I’ve traveled. I’m loved and I’m grateful to love in return. I’m blessed. So, nothing drastic changed. However, my mindset did.
Life Lessons
This year I had life lessons, of life itself, rather than academic or professional lessons as I did turning 24. Maybe, again, that’s turning 25. I’ve prioritized and set boundaries or goals. I’ve planned and settled. I’ve matured. My brain’s frontal lobe is about fully developed, and we’re in for a ride!
These life lessons as I mentioned previously can’t be anything taught from a textbook or from another person. They’re experiences that an individual has to explore throughout their own journey. Not everyone experiences this either.
Since the day my partner and I discovered we were pregnant, I was fully engaged in this concept of life. I had the privilege to carry a life, to develop a life, and give birth to life. Through my daughter’s eyes, I was living life all over again. Then, I was reminded of how fragile life can be.
While the thought of no longer living didn’t scare me pre-pregnancy, it sure did after. Now more than ever. I hadn’t thought about this through the perspective of a parent, or as a parent with living parents/grandparents. With the loss of several loved ones this year, I couldn’t not think about it. My parents are getting older. I’m getting older. My daughter’s getting older. Gee.. Everyone’s getting older.
Time isn’t something we can fight. However, what we make of the time we have is precious. We can’t add days to life, but we can add life to our days. And how blessed we are to have that time to spend with loved ones.
Loneliness
At the start of the year 2024 (as my birthday is at the start of a new year), I felt confident in myself. I adjusted to parenthood and marriage. I started to feel like myself again. I was ready to get back out into society. Let’s be honest, I was ready to drink (wink, wink).
That confidence disappeared quickly into February. Why? I can’t tell. The loss of loved ones every few months? The balance of mom life, marriage, and work life? The physical distance between that of myself and loved ones? The busyness of my life and my friends? The uncertainty of new friends and new places? Or, all of them.
It took me a little over half a year to recognize what I was feeling, grieve, and heal from it. As much as I thought I felt ready to get back out there again, there were different plans for me. Although I wish I kept that confidence going, I’m glad to be where I am now. I’ll tell you why.
Feeling lonely, even in a crowded room, or while knowing I had people in my life, showed me just who I had in my life, at least in this season. There’s more to say on this, but I grieved the kinds of relationships I had pre-pregnancy. The dynamics of my relationships with people have changed since becoming a mom. For two years I had (and still do) my daughter at the forefront. There were events I’ve missed and if we were to sit down, it wouldn’t be a simple, “Let’s pick up where we left off,” without having to explain the past two years of our lives. We missed the smallest of moments, where in time, can’t be explained just as easily as “picking up where we left off.”
Many of my friends/family aren’t married and aren’t parents either. Most of them are on…. “Which love interest is this?” #3.. Maybe #5? “When did this happen?” Still there, which was probably four months ago. It’s not that we don’t care about each other or our relationship. We’re living different lives, experiencing different phases of life, and stealing moments of time for one another when we’re able to.
Written by Dr. Seuss in Oh, the Places You’ll Go!, “All Alone! Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.” This. The book. All of it. Explains perfectly everything I want to express.
Space
I discuss more here on the concept of space. It was one of three words I used to summarize 2024.
There’s a quote I saw somewhere that read, “Don’t give an ocean when they ask for a raindrop.” This opened my eyes. I hold space for people, especially in the line of work I’m in. As an empath, it can be difficult to say, “No,” without guilt or not being fully engaged. While this isn’t new to me, I recognized that I couldn’t and shouldn’t hold space for people anymore, and for some, hold back.
I’d give and give only to be sucked out dry. How could I provide space for others if I wasn’t willing to do it for myself, or didn’t have enough space for myself? Again, this idea wasn’t anything new. It was only a reminder.
Space changed me. I built boundaries surrounding space. I gave myself space and grace. I limited the amount of space I held for others. I let there be space between others and myself. Space, all around, was a core theme this year.
Maturing
More on this too – Due, in part, to missed opportunities to spend time with loved ones and the passing of few, I reflected on what I wanted in life. I took a look at the bigger picture. There were lots that had changed, quickly too, in the last several years. Frankly, I wanted something different each year. This year taught me that I couldn’t and shouldn’t spread myself so thin. Not to mention, that I still have time to accomplish my dreams. I’m only getting started. As I’ve learned, anything can change “in a blink of an eye.” Let’s take it day by day.
I asked myself the basic questions.
Where will I be in five years, ten?
What does my career look like?
Where will I live?
How many kids will I have?
What do I imagine for each of these? Again, I looked at the bigger picture. Sure, not everything was clear cut. I didn’t and never expected them to be. I still don’t. Life changes just as people change. There’s one thing for sure though – it’s time to settle and decide. Like I said, there’s something about turning 25 that puts life into perspective.
Halfway to Thirty
Looking back, I didn’t have experiences that today’s 20-something year olds have. But, they don’t have what I have either. For instance, I’ve never been to the bars (the club)… unless you count sitting at the bar and watching a basketball game. The only club I’ve been to is Sam’s Club (laughs). COVID-19 impacted the start of my 20s, then I was pregnant, focused on parenthood… fast forward, here we are.
I didn’t have much time for myself between high school and college. I married right before college graduation, then pregnancy followed two months afterwards. While it wasn’t exactly what I’d pictured then, since we’re talking about looking at the bigger picture, life led me in this direction, towards the unexpected. Prior to dating my now partner, I didn’t plan to get married. I was far from it. I didn’t think I’d build a family so soon. However, as I said, life led me to the unexpected. (Don’t worry, I’m happy about it.)
I touch upon this topic because it’s been on my mind as of late. I’m often reminded that people forget my age due to being a mom. There’s certain expectations of me – how I should dress, speak, think, act, etc. Not to mention, how I should live or in other words, that I should have life figured out. Yet, I’ve only had 24 years of living experience. It’s okay to act my age.
Looking forward, I’m repping “I’m 25!” Like I wrote earlier in this piece, I’m not 20 nor am I 30. However, I’ve never truly felt like I was acting my age at any age (in my early 20s) due to my lifestyle as well as social expectations, as mentioned before. As this new year arrives, I’m done explaining myself as if I need to justify my actions or thoughts to anyone.
Twenty-Five
Twenty-four was a wild ride. Anyone else feel some awakening before turning twenty-five? Or is it just me (laughs). I was really only trying to get by last year. Funny too, because my focus for that year was to “slow down. Take a break.” At 21, I graduated from college and married. 22, my daughter was born and we moved to a new city. 23, I attended aesthetics school, received my real estate salesperson license, and certification in teaching meditation and mindfulness. 24, I wanted to breathe.
I’m ready to tackle this year, however. It’s time to lock in. I’m excited to see what this year has in store, or what I have in store for this year! 😉
